About counselling

'Counselling' means different things to different people. The word is used to describe anything from a cup of tea and a chat with a friend, to seeing a psychotherapist three times a week.

By counselling, we mean talking to someone who is properly trained. The person may be called a counsellor or a psychotherapist. The difference between these two is sometimes difficult to distinguish. Some people use the terms to mean the same thing, as much of their work does overlap. The differences are usually to do with the type of training and special interests of the individual counsellor or psychotherapist.

Whether you see a counsellor or a psychotherapist doesn’t usually matter. What matters is that they have done the appropriate training with accreditation by a recognised organisation. Some other professionals (e.g. GPs, nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers) may have been trained in counselling as well. But not all have, so it is important to check out counselling qualifications and accreditation.

Usually, you see a counsellor for an hour at a regular time every week. You may have a weekly session for a set period of time (often 6 or 8 weeks). Or you might have sessions for as long as you and your counsellor agree that you need them. Your counsellor will try to

• Listen properly to what you are saying
• Not interrupt you
• Help you sort out and untangle your feelings and worries
• Provide you with insight into how you really think and feel
• Help you express your emotions in your own way
• Help you work out your own solutions to problems
• Help you accept what cannot be changed
• Help and support you while you do all this

If you are looking for general information on talking about cancer there are some booklets that may help you. See our general reading list on cancer.

There are many times in our lives when we all really feel we need someone to listen to us. This is basically what counselling is - someone to listen to you. Being heard properly can be really important if you have cancer. You’re probably finding it difficult to deal with the diagnosis. And you may be feeling a bit lost amongst all the treatments and hospital appointments.

Most people feel very shocked when they are told they have cancer. It can turn your life upside down. Things you can normally cope with, such as going to work, shopping, looking after the kids and socialising, may become more difficult, and have less meaning for you. Your intimate relationships might change because of changes in how you look and the way you feel about yourself. The stress you’re under may mean you can’t show the love and attention you want to your partner or children.

You may want to carry on with life as normal, but feel frustrated that you can’t. Many people with cancer have confusing and upsetting feelings such as anger and sadness. And feeling that you’re not in control of your life at this time can be very upsetting.

It is common to worry that your cancer could come back again after your treatment has finished. Or you may fear you are going to die. All of these feelings are very real and frightening. There’s only so much your mind can process at one time, so these feelings can become overwhelming.

But bottling feelings up can become very draining and make living your life very difficult. Counselling gives you an opportunity to explore your feelings and express them in a safe place. A counsellor can help you to find a way to make things less difficult to deal with.

If you’re a relative of someone with cancer, you could probably do with spending a bit of time thinking about yourself in the midst of everything else. You are bound to have feelings of your own which you don’t want to burden your sick loved one with. Being able to express your feelings may help you to support your relative more effectively.